Do It Afraid
I’ve been here before.
This is actually the 3rd time when I think about it- stepping out unemployed.
The first time was in Nova Scotia and I was working at Tim Horton’s. I ended up only working there for about 5 months as Nova Scotia was an extremely stressful season for me.
I ended up quitting my job mostly due to emotional issues. I was studying my Masters full time and working full time. I didn’t like my job at Tim Horton’s and that was a big part of it. It was a fast paced job, with unrealistic expectations in an unfriendly work environment and stress got to me- the downward spiral to quitting started when a doctor wrote me off on sick leave. I had a terrible day at work and went home and found myself having severe chest pains and difficulty breathing. After I took myself to the hospital it ended up that I was having a severe panic attack. I was heaving, chest pain, and very emotional. I couldn’t handle what was going on around me. The doctor wrote me off for a week and when I went back for my first shift at 6:30 in the morning the following week I found out my manager had written me off the schedule and not notified me- I went home and prayed about this stressful situation. I felt that I should quit as I deserved better than a workplace that didn’t care about me and that caused so much chaos in my life.
But that meant I didn’t have an income. I had to depend on God even more and watch Him show up in ways that would feel like miracles. He definitely did. This season lasted a little under 3 months and looking back I was able to pay every bill on time as the money was always there. I ended up moving to Halifax and received a full time job that paid double of Tim Horton’s. In fact, I still to this day do not know how I got that job. I received a phone call to come in for an interview (Did I mention that Digby is about 2.5 hour drive to Halifax?) and when I arrived at the office I thought I was interviewing with a different company. I didn’t even know whom I was interviewing with. Talk about being put on the spot. I was interviewed by 3 managers for a position I hadn’t prepared for- talk about nerve wrecking; but they offered me the job on the spot. However, there was a potential problem, this was mid-March and I wasn’t moving to Halifax until May 1. But God intervened because they wanted me enough that they held the job for me. Talk about a miracle.
The second time I quit my job without something lined up was when I left Nova Scotia to move back home. The plan was to stay at my parents for a few months while I was looking for a place and a job while also finishing up the editing of my thesis. Little did I know that this desire to not work was because God needed me to look after my mom. This time my unemployed season lasted 11 months.
I moved home at the end of October and in December, Boxing Day to be exact, we discovered that my mom was sick. My mom was diagnosed with two types of breast cancer simultaneously. In that moment I knew why I felt God ask me not to look for a job because he needed me to help out my mom. In those 11 months I helped my mom during her surgery and recovery, with all her doctors appointments, her chemo and radiation treatments and also helped her out at her bakery. You see, on Christmas Eve just two days before her cancer discovery, my mom had bought a brand new building for her business with her sister. She couldn’t take time off as the doctors recommended. So I helped my mom at her bakery- being her hands and feet so she could still help out in the ways she needed to. Honestly, I think I get this from my mom but I also couldn’t just sit at home and go through this- purpose gives you determination and motivation to fight through. I really admire my mom’s work ethic. Then at the beginning of the following October I started working back at my old place of employment, Community Living. During those 11 months God met every need. Every bill was paid on time- I never went without.
Now here we are... 4 years and 4 months later from when I went back to work at Community Living and I find myself unemployed again. When God laid the idea on my heart to seriously consider quitting due to all the events happening around and within me- I actually felt relief. I knew that I had to quit. Even this morning as I stepped on the scale to see what my starting point would be for getting my health back on track I had gained more weight. Night shifts are terrible for my health and my body.
I’ve been asked a lot about how I’m feeling about leaving and being unemployed. Honestly, it’s the most peace I’ve felt in awhile.
Is it scary? Definitely.
Do I know if I will find I job? Hopefully.
All I know is that when I sought God on this decision and spoke to close friends for advice and guidance I felt peace. I know that God is directing my steps and that God is for me. God is my provider- He meets my every need. I also know God prepares us for hard things- sometimes we recognize it and sometimes we don’t.
I quit my job during a pandemic- a job that paid very well (I was even getting pandemic pay as a health care worker). But it’s not about money. It’s about knowing what’s right for me. It’s knowing that God asked me to do this and I want to follow where He leads. He’s never led me wrong.
I feel the two other times that I quit my job for my well being were growing seasons, and I am moving into this season knowing that this will be another growing season. I will be stretched. I will be afraid. I will have doubts…. But at the end of the day I know that this act of obedience will lead to something greater. It may take two months; it may take 11… it may take just a week. Whatever it is, I know that this fearful decision was the best one for me.
When we step out afraid it allows God to show up in new, amazing ways; and because I've been here before I'm choosing to look forward to all the miracles that God has lined up instead of fearing the unknown, and I'm excited to share it all with you.
Philippians 4:19 (NIV)
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.
As always, thanks for spending some of your Monday with me,