Losing Your Inner Peace
2020 has been a real eye-opener to the important things. I feel like being forced to slow down in every area of our lives has forced us to reevaluate the important things- like goals, dreams, passions, gifts, and relationships.
With mom's cancer returning, with my diagnosis (a very weird diagnosis with no present physical issues) and an overwhelming work schedule 2020 reminded me of promises I made to myself and dreams and aspirations I once had.
For those who don’t know I have an educational background in Theological studies along with Counselling. I never loved the traditional Counseling role. My personality does not do well with individuals who remain in non-movement. It’s really hard for me to come alongside someone who doesn’t want to move forward in their life- I need movement. I know myself enough to know I would fall into the burnout category way too soon in that profession.
When I was obtaining my Master's degree at Acadia, I had many meetings with my advisor Carol Ann (honestly, bless her heart for putting up with my indecisiveness) about thesis ideas and life goals.
In these conversations with Carol Ann, we discovered that the practice of Coaching seemed to be more my speed. In Coaching you are dealing with healthy people- people who may just be stuck in transition or accomplishing a dream or skillset.
You are dealing with forward moving people- they’re just unsure how to proceed.
I then went on to write a 125-page thesis on the practice of Christian Coaching- I thoroughly enjoyed researching, spending way too much time in the Nova Scotia library system. For those who don’t know my whole story, I never ended up defending my thesis. During the editing process my mom was diagnosed with two types of cancer simultaneously that led me to switch (at Carol Ann’s advice) my thesis to a project, which received a grade that then allowed me to graduate and finish my Masters.
I ended up taking almost a year off to assist my mom through her surgery, treatments and worked alongside her so she could continue to work, as she co owns her own business with my aunt. When mom went into remission two things happened- one, I started my own coaching business, Restorative Grace Ministries; and two, I went back to my old job at Community Living (bills need to get paid).
Restorative Grace Ministries unfortunately was short lived- I developed a few workshops and even presented one; I also spoke at a conference and a retreat. I ended up closing Restorative Grace Ministries mainly because at the time I wasn’t ready. I was diagnosed with PTSD at the time due to walking alongside my mom’s cancer journey and from events I lived through in Nova Scotia.
But I continued with Community Living and I’m still there- 4 years and 4 months later.
But 2020 has brought around the dream of coaching again. It’s given me an opportunity to get back to my dream- a dream of helping others achieve their dreams and goals as their coach in the avenue of my own business.
I’ve taken an inventory of what is important and what will help me continue the dream of being a coach and having my own business. My health is one of the top priorities- I work overnight, awake night shifts and quite frankly I feel as though I’m perpetually exhausted and always in a state of fatigue, so when a new opportunity presented itself, I was most definitely intrigued.
This opportunity was for another job and the job in itself seemed like a great opportunity. It would be a ‘weekday, during the day’ job that would allow me to sleep at night and gain back my rest and allow my body to heal.
I applied for the job and was asked to have an interview. I’m not use to Zoom interviews so when it turned out the first interview was more of a webinar that showcased the job and all it entailed, I was slightly surprised; but at the end of the webinar you filled out what I can only describe as a more in-depth application, and if they felt your answers fit what they were looking for (and if you felt you still wanted the job after the details were explained) they would call you for a final interview.
I had a moment- and only a brief moment of, what if they don’t call? What if I don’t get the final interview? And in that moment, I sensed relief. I felt, ‘it would be ok if I didn’t get this job’. But then an hour later I received the call, had my final interview, and was offered the job on the spot. I accepted, gladly. I was thinking, finally a job that would help my body normalize and I’d finally feel rested in life.
I filled out all the new hire paperwork and was excited to start my training.
After I had accepted the position, a friend of mine who had also applied for the job as she’s on the job-hunt too, had sent me a text saying that she was unsure if this was a reputable job. I had researched the company before my interview and after this friend's message did some more in-depth research about her concerns. It honestly turned out to be fine. The job was appropriate, and the company was reputable.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling of uneasiness that remained.
I call it my peace- my inner gut feeling that tells me to pay attention. I find that God is usually trying to tell me something in these moments.
All I have to say is always listen to your inner peace.
In the past, anytime God wanted me to pay attention or I needed to make a decision or change my peace would get stirred. I’d have this feeling in my stomach of extreme uneasiness.
As I looked deeper into the job description, I realized that this job would actually take me away from my goals. The training for this job wasn’t ideal- I had three weeks to complete the training while working full time (as I wouldn’t get paid until training was done and if I wanted a paycheck I needed to stay at my current job), all while I am in class to be a licenced coach.
I couldn’t do it. It was going to be too complicated. My cons list was 3x the length of my pros list. It would be completely distracting and take me off course to what was really in my heart to accomplish- and if 2020 has taught me anything- keep your eye on the ball.
My peace was telling me something was off about this job and when I dug deeper, I realized that in this season of my life this wasn’t the job for me. It wasn’t worth quitting a full-time job for. It wasn’t the right fit, and it wouldn’t accomplish the things I needed.
So, I wrote back the next day apologized and declined the opportunity that was presented to me.
The Lord has given me the gift of internal peace and when my peace is gone, I know that I need to pay attention. If my gut is telling me something about this situation isn’t right- I need to pay attention.
How about you? Have you had an experience where your gut was warning you of potential issues? How many times would we have saved ourselves from situations had we listened to our peace (or lack of)?
Our intuition is our friend- let it help you lead you and make the best decisions for your life.
A coaching tip: Some ways to see if your gut is leading you in the right direction: create a pros and cons list; ask those in your inner circle (safe people) what their thoughts are and talk things out; research the subject at hand; and always, pray.
As always, thanks for spending a part of your Monday with me,