Red Flags: An Experience In Pandemic Dating
Disclaimer: The following is an opinion piece of personal experience only. I am very aware that it's not just men who push womens boundaries, but that women push mens boundaries too. I'm just highlighting in today's blog my personal experiences.
Let me start off this week’s blog by saying- follow your gut.
If God is pressing upon you to be ‘careful’ or to ‘pay attention’ to certain things- then please pay attention.
I went on a date Saturday that had a lot of red flags. When I first left the date I was a little stunned at the events that unfolded but was trying to remain optimistic- but the following 48 hours unfolded the truth for me.
It’s so important to lean into those cautions you feel in your spirit and what God is trying to whisper to you.
I will say dating in a pandemic has been an interesting experience- to be honest it’s probably the busiest time my dating life has been. But it’s also given many experiences that have grown me, strengthened my relationship with the Lord and also empowered me to be patient and stand up for myself when something doesn’t feel right.
I will say I do feel an element of not wanting to waste time- I’m 35, 36 later this year, and as a female my maternal clock is ticking and telling me to get going if I’m wanting to have children- I do want to acknowledge how incredibly grateful I am that God gave me an opportunity to freeze some of my eggs that will help give me a chance at having children later in life, if need be.
Let’s keep praying my husband and I find our way to each other sooner than later though. ;)
In these recent experiences I feel like the bar for men these days has gotten lower and lower. My expectations have also changed as I’ve grown older and become wiser to the things that really matter in a healthy and successful relationship but I feel my expectations are in check (thanks to wisdom from my mom and friends).
The heart of my experiences tells me that chivalry needs to make a comeback. Christian men, I don’t care what society says about feminism and all that but your father, The Lord, has said to love, respect and care for women… so let’s bring that back shall we?
This isn’t meant to be a bashing session as I feel us Christian women aren’t perfect either and we are making compromises that we shouldn’t be making either.
God designed dating as a means to get to know each other on your way to marriage, and to see if this person has the potential to be your spouse.
Men, If you are a serious Christian and you are dating women just to play the field and hook up, please check your spirit, get right with the Lord and take a time out in the meantime until you can respect a woman and treat her the way she deserves and in the way God calls you to.
Women, find your self worth in the Lord. Get yourself to a place where you know who you are in the Lord and where you are not willing to compromise that for a man's love. If he cannot accept that God is number one in your life and that he needs to respect your values and worth then he is not for you.
I think I was starting to let myself compromise a bit with this last Christian man I was getting to know. Throughout the time we were getting to know each other leading up to our date there were moments of caution. I felt in my spirit that I needed to pay attention to these things- I made acknowledgements of it and kept getting to know this man without relying on those promptings.
I had been praying throughout our time of getting to know each other that God would tear the relationship a part and stop us from getting to know each other if it wasn’t something that was going to please Him. I never want to pursue something that God wouldn’t want for me. God responded and started out with subtle hints.
We decided to meet up two weeks after talking through eharmony. I personally prefer to meet the man sooner than later because it’s easier to discern them as a person and easier to see Christ in them.
All the cautions I felt in my spirit came roaring out to me in person- I had to admit that I wanted to deny them as we were on our date. One of my biggest struggles in my dating experience has been chemistry- I’ve met some amazing men of God who truly love the Lord who will make amazing husbands and fathers one day but it just wasn’t there for us to connect. So when I felt I had some chemistry with this guy I really wanted it to work.
But ladies the physical isn’t an excuse to dismiss his heart.
Don’t let satan deceive you.
All along God was telling me that I needed to be cautious with this man but I wanted to continue to get to know him- giving him grace for these potential red flags. I wasn’t listening to God's subtle hints so God had to smack me in the face and say, “No, this is not the man for you.”
I am thankful that God smacks me in the face with the truth and I have to remind myself that my gracious personality can get me into trouble if I’m not careful.
So all in all, please listen to those red flags God is highlighting for you and ladies, if he invites you to coffee at a Starbucks and refuses to pay for your coffee, he doesn’t deserve you. ;)