As we enter a New Year it’s custom, tradition and emotionally inherent that we reflect on the year ending and wonder upon what’s to come.
When I was thinking about this past year the title of a famous moving came to mind… “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” I definitely feel we’ve had good moments, bad moments and down right ugly moments.
This year as I examine what’s passed many things fell into one of those three categories but I also felt there were two more I’d like to add… the hopeful and the miracles.
I feel that I should add that as I was reading my journal from this time last year I had written that I wanted to start the year doing hard things. I even bought a Bible study called, “I can do Hard Things…” well 2020, you delivered.
So as I reflected on this past year here is where I see things remain…
- My dating life took on a new life of it’s own… I felt that 2020 was a year where I put myself out there in new ways and met some great guys and became more comfortable getting back into the dating game.
- I decided to go back to school to get my license to start life coaching- getting back on track with a plan I had envisioned for myself from my Masters and studies at Acadia University.
- I took a bold step to protect my health in leaving a job that was slowly making my body sick and unwell- finally saying goodbye to the shift work lifestyle.
- I found a church that I’m finally excited to attend be a part of (Now if only we weren't in lockdown).
- I was diagnosed with the BRCA 2 cancer gene. Though I’m presently healthy and have nothing entirely wrong with me, this gene is lying dormant in me and has a strong possibility to emerge.
- Pandemic life…. and all that came with it.
- My mom and I had an amazing trip planned to New York City that was cancelled. Depending on the longevity of the pandemic and moms health this might have been our last opportunity to have a mother/daughter trip of that caliber.
- My mom was diagnosed with her third cancer at the young age of 60. This time the doctors don’t have a cure. This is the ugliest moment of 2020.
- Having to deal and process that I wont have my mom in my life much longer, and all the big moments in my life that have yet to happen that she might not get to be a part of (marriage, children).
- Since July I’ve been contending with the thought that I need to have my ovaries removed to save my life. I had met with my Fertility doctor and had all my tests done in October to see how fertile and worthwhile it would be to have my eggs frozen. In November when I received my results, I was informed that my eggs were in great quality and they would be worth freezing; however, since my Oncology doctor did not want to remove my ovaries until I’m 40 (and possibly even 45), I might not be able to have OHIP cover these procedures as OHIP wants a surgery date to approve coverage. I grappled for about 5 weeks with the thought that I might not be able to have my eggs frozen or how could I come up with $20 000 to get my eggs frozen as this is the time to freeze them- when they are of best quality. These were some really depressing and hard weeks. I cried a lot. I mean a lot. If you know me well you know I have always wanted to be a mom. Since I was little I always wanted to have a big family. The thought of me being in this world without being a mom brings me to my knees everytime. The miracle... I found out on December 23 that OHIP will cover this procedure and in January we start the process to freeze my eggs. This was a defining moment for me. I have been praying for a sign that everything will work out and that God had not forgotten me nor my desire to be a wife and a mom. This defining moment shifted my perception and honestly, I cannot thank God enough for this miracle. My Christmas miracle.
- At 35 and not having children my cancer diagnosis has given me the real possibility to have children well into my 40s by having my eggs frozen by finding out that my eggs are still quality
- A new job that will highlight, showcase and grow my skills and strengths.
- I'm hopeful that I will meet my husband, someone to do life with and become the father of my children.
- That the pandemic will end soon.
All these things have made 2020 a year to remember… and if anything, I believe 2020 has set up 2021 to be a year of success and even more miracles.
I am not planning on having a traditional New Year's Resolution as I’m deciding to be hopeful instead… I personally think we all deserve a break to just be, but being hopeful is what my resolution is.
God doesn’t bring us through the desert (hard times) for nothing.
2020 was preparation season, 2021 is the stage.
What are your good, bad, ugly, hopeful and miracle moments of 2020?
Thanks again for spending some of your Monday with me,
Until next year,